Moving Forward

The question is where to live, but it’s not an easy question to answer. Where is the money? The money. Anything we do, we need $$$ to survive. And shelter. And food. And a nice comfortable bed. And a backyard. And crochet. And a line to hang the laundry out to dry in the summer when it’s warm out. Time to be creative. Creative. Because being creative is my job.

It just doesn’t always pay the bills.

Today it is warm with a breeze. All the graduates were in their gowns, their parents in MDen t-shirts excited to be part of something. The kids are living their parents’ dreams. Graduates. To have graduated. To have accomplished something. To hold a degree. To have a dream. A dream to survive in the world by doing what they love. Feel passionate about. PASSIONATE.

Compassionate for others. Wanting to make a difference in people’s lives, or for the environment, or for animals, or for plants, or for something in the medical division… or something.. Wanting to achieve something. Anything. As many times possible. There is possibility in dreams. 

And then taking the steps to get there. One step at a time. Two steps at a time. A half step backward. Two steps forward. One step to the left and then one half step to the right. Left right left right. Forward backward forward backward and to the left, to the right. Forward back forward back.

FORWARD.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=simXL0tamEA

Letter to Myself (one year ago)

Dear Future Emilia,

How are you a year from now? Today is April 10, 2012. Has the world already come to an end next year? Hopefully not, so you can read this.

Right now I am in the end of thesis & GSI hell, and look forward to getting out of it. On the bright side, I feel better about my work than I have since Cornish in Seattle. I’m curious to know what a year from now looks like creatively. Hopefully more opportunities have come, and you/I are happy. Hopefully Lilik too.

I’m wondering how far in the future the babies will be popping out. Hopefully not yet. What about Indonesia? Is a return on the horizon? Hopefully so. Maybe by now  you’re rich and all loans have been paid off.

Big hugs to you, you creatively awesome diva of humorous inclinations. Remember that you do, indeed, rock.

xoxo Emilia

 

What do you think horror means for feminism?

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Today my short horror film Red Blob Massacre was screened at a student-organized feminist fair at the University of Michigan. After the screening, there was a question and answer period. One of the questions asked was:

What do you think horror means for feminism?

It was a difficult question to answer. Sometimes I’m not even sure what feminism means. Sometimes I have a hard time answering difficult questions like that on the spot. So, I gave the best answer I could. Thinking about it afterward, of course I always think I could have said something better. Why didn’t I think of this in the moment? Oh damn, I should have said that…

My answer in the moment was, in a somewhat jumbled way, that I think the grotesque of horror allows anyone, male or female, to release something that is pent up inside. it’s an outlet for violence and anger, and also for insecurity. With females portrayed as being such beautiful/pure/perfect people in the media, perhaps horror is the juxtaposition of that. It’s the bloody of the feminine….

What do you think?

Image source:

Terror Cult: The Pains of Being a Gal, Flowering

I will:

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1) Find time to meditate.

2) Write more often, not on the computer.

3) Cook delicious, healthy meals all of the time.

4) Take care of my body.

5) Feel good about myself. Confident. I can do anything.

6) Not give in to the bullshit.

7) Be nice. No matter what, be nice. 

8) Give the dog (Jay Jay) a bath. Clean his ears, brush his teeth, cut his nails, comb his fur, put a little bit of perfume behind his ears, tell him he’s a good boy and give him a kiss.

9) Go out on date nights more often. Have adventures together. Be romantic.

10) Let myself sleep. Enough. Don’t be tired all the time.

11) Be kind to family. Tell them how much they are loved. Send them unexpected gifts.

12) I will not give up.

13) Set aside “studio time.” Make art.

 

Image Sources:

The Dog-o-Matic – Dog Washing Machine

Bloom

Spring is almost here!!!!! Yay. No more cold winter nights or snow-covered trees or freezing feet or depression or dry face or brittle hair or too many layers or i hate wearing long johns…..

This video is one of the first videos I created, for a Screendance course taught by Terri Sarris and Peter Sparling at the University of Michigan. The video celebrates the coming of spring.

10 Ways Not to Be a Perfectionist:

1) Read the rules, then accidentally break them.

2) Have a beer or two. Things don’t matter as much then.

3) If you’re missing an ingredient, add something else instead.

4) Forget about what other people think.

5) Forget about what you think.

6) Break something, drop something, spill something, scratch something, or do something else that pretty much ruins your whole project.

7) Consider the accidents as the best parts.

8) Laugh at yourself. Out loud. In front of a mirror. Don’t stop laughing until your stomach hurts. If you can’t laugh, force yourself to. It will make you laugh because it’s so stupid.

9) Stupid things are good too. They are just as good as beautiful, intellectual, polished, perfect things.

10) Have some tea, take a nap, cuddle with the dog, watch a movie, cook a delicious meal with cookies for dessert, go on a walk, dance in the bedroom, read a book, call your loved ones, do your nails, trim your toenails, make some art for fun, and then, well, just forget about it. It doesn’t matter anyway. Or if it does, do it again until you like it.

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Image Source: Nobody’s Perfect

Searching for the Opportunity

These days I am searching for the right opportunity, the next step in my career as an artist, a move up the ladder to not just creating art on the side while trying to make a living doing something else, but finding a way to combine the two: art and work. Work and life.

The challenge is, it’s easier said than done. I am seeking out the opportunities, and I have a list of things I’m working on applying for. But the prospect of whether any of these opportunities will follow through is still up in the air. When will I get that one BIG SHOT? Or the many smaller shots that eventually lead to something bigger? And if I do get to that bigger place…. what does it look like? What exactly am I striving for, anyway?

When it comes down to it, to the bare essentials, there are four things that I need to make a living as an artist:

CREATIVITY
Print

SPACE
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TIME
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MONEY
Money1

It’s really not a lot to ask. And of course there are more things than just the items listed above, such as friends, family, my sweet dog, a nearby park to run in, some space to do yoga, a fun place to go and see art/music/performance/film, inspiring collaborators, community, students who are eager to learn, and last but not least, OPPORTUNITIES. MORE OPPORTUNITIES. There are so many of them out there, but there are also so many people trying to get them. I’m trying so hard to get that next opportunity. The next thing, whatever it may be, that will lead me closer to my career path as an artist.

Image Sources:
Why Its OK to Fail at Kickstarter
Design Thinking: creativity in business and education
Temp Art Exhibit
There is Always Enough Time