Category Archives: funny

10 Ways Not to Be a Perfectionist:

1) Read the rules, then accidentally break them.

2) Have a beer or two. Things don’t matter as much then.

3) If you’re missing an ingredient, add something else instead.

4) Forget about what other people think.

5) Forget about what you think.

6) Break something, drop something, spill something, scratch something, or do something else that pretty much ruins your whole project.

7) Consider the accidents as the best parts.

8) Laugh at yourself. Out loud. In front of a mirror. Don’t stop laughing until your stomach hurts. If you can’t laugh, force yourself to. It will make you laugh because it’s so stupid.

9) Stupid things are good too. They are just as good as beautiful, intellectual, polished, perfect things.

10) Have some tea, take a nap, cuddle with the dog, watch a movie, cook a delicious meal with cookies for dessert, go on a walk, dance in the bedroom, read a book, call your loved ones, do your nails, trim your toenails, make some art for fun, and then, well, just forget about it. It doesn’t matter anyway. Or if it does, do it again until you like it.

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Image Source: Nobody’s Perfect

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Brutally Honest Stories About Being Human

There are those times when you feel alone. Even if you’re surrounded by people, you are alone. And you alone love the people around you so much that you fear losing them. I will not lose my life and I don’t want you to lose yours either. We are humans. We breathe & fart. We have air coming out through all sorts of holes. We thrive on routine and live for play. We are nice to each other, or we should be.

Life is too complicated. We are too driven by our brains. And fear.

I fear death as much as I fear being humiliated in front of tons of people. And yet I humiliate myself and call it art. For some reason that’s okay. I allow my creative juices to interpret and embellish on my everyday experiences.

robert-leighton-i-ve-never-been-so-humiliated-in-my-entire-week-new-yorker-cartoon

I’m reading a book, What’s Not to Love by Jonathan Ames. It is the most honestly grotesque book about male puberty and bodily dysfunction. The chapters have titles such as “An Erection is a Felony”, and “I Shit My Pants in the South of France”, and “Insomni-Whack”. The titles say it all. I am in love. With honesty that exposes the inherent imperfections of human nature, Ames has a witty sense of humor and wonderful knack for autobiographical storytelling.

ames_manson_061507

One summer during my teenage years, when I was waiting for my Godotish puberty, I went away to a Jewish Camp in Upstate New York. I was in the Levi division (Levi was the name of one of the original Hebrew tribes before it became a pair of jeans) of newly christened teenagers, and to my horror I discovered that I was the only boy who still had a small, undeveloped penis and no pubic hair! So I had to hide myself the whole summer. I would quickly change my clothes with my back to my tentmates, and only showered early in the morning when no one else was around. It was nerve-racking. (Ames, pg. 8)

Several weeks went by and I didn’t hear from them and I forgot about the whole thing. In the meantime, I was busy regrowing my hair. I had done some research on the subject and I was taking certain actions. I was trying to quit coffee since it robbed my body of hair-related vitamins, and I was avoiding masturbation because I read a book on Eastern practices of semen-retention, which told me that masturbation dried up my spinal fluid and made my hair fall out. I’ve now come to see my bald spot and the bald spots of other men as the mark of Cain for excessive self-abuse.
I also purchased rosemary oil, which is very good for the health, and a rubber scalp invigorator. And I started eating lots of sea vegetables because I read that people in Asian cultures had very good hair and that their diet was rich in seaweed. (Ames, pg. 20)

These are the stories I want to hear, and want to tell. Stories that capture universal human experiences and humorously assure the reader that he or she is, indeed, not alone.

Image Sources:
http://www.mediabistro.com/fishbowlny/tag/jonathan-ames
http://www.condenaststore.com/-sp/I-ve-never-been-so-humiliated-in-my-entire-week-New-Yorker-Cartoon-Prints_i8472479_.htm

References:
Ames, Jonathan. What’s Not to Love? New York: Crown Publishers, 2000.

WOMEN ARE FUNNY!!!!

Hey all,

This is a shorter post prelude to a longer post. I’m in Chicago now, preparing to perform at the Chicago Women’s Funny Festival (CWFF): http://www.chicagowomensfunnyfestival.com/. All I can say right now is that it’s a fabulous event, and WOMEN ARE FUNNY!!! Not that you didn’t know that already, but just a gentle reminder that, indeed, WOMEN ARE FUNNY! Did I already say that? Well I mean it!

As a pre-ode to my next posting, which will be a review of CWFF and personal account of performing at it, I’m going to dedicate this post to a few of my favorite female comedians. Here you go:

Lucille Ball:

SO FUNNY!!!!

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Carol Burnett:

Great physical comedy!

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Gilda Radner:

Ha!

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That’s all for now. I will post more soon. Time to get ready for the show!!!

The art of singing cheesy holiday songs badly at the top of your lungs

Dear readers,

Hello! Forgive me for lagging on new post updates. As I’m sure you all know, this time of year is a busy one.

Christmas songs are now being played everywhere for the holidays. I’ll say it straight up that I am NOT a big fan of being subjected to constant holiday cheer, and even furthermore being forced to get cheesy Christmas songs literally stuck in my head for days on end. Just like it drove me crazy when my Grandma used to sing “It’s a Small World After All” as a joke to get it stuck in our heads (she lived around the corner from Disneyland), it drives me crazy just as much to be forced to have “Frosty the Snowman” stuck in my head because the coffee shop thought it would be dandy to get their customers into the holiday spirit for the ENTIRE MONTH OF DECEMBER.

On one particular evening recently in the grocery store, however, as I was scooping lettuce and tomatoes into my shopping cart, I caught myself singing along to “Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer” as it blasted over the store speakers, as if I was *gasp* enjoying it! Of course I immediately stopped, embarrassed, and looked around to make sure that nobody was watching me. It’s one thing to be forced to listen to the constant holiday cheese, but it’s another thing to be caught in the act of unconsciously enjoying it! I clammed up quickly, and avoided eye contact at all costs.

But once I had purchased my bags of groceries and headed out to the car, as if in an act of derangement, I let loose and sang cheesy Christmas songs as loud as I could for the entire drive home. And it was AMAZING. Really, it felt so good. And I sang them badly, and I changed the words, and I made them dirty and rude at times. It was great. Because sometimes, instead of always rejecting the cheese, you have to just give up and embrace it. Not to say that you have to run out and join the community choir today, unless that’s your inclination. But to say that anywhere, at any moment, you too could take all those songs you’re desperate to avoid and instead sing them like they’re the best dang songs that you could ever be singing in December for the holidays. Sing them over and over again, and if you wish, sing them badly. Change the words to fit your own holiday experience. Use your facial expressions. Sing them to someone you love or hate. Just sing them!!! At least once. Even if it hurts. Because sometimes embracing the pain is the best thing you can do to let go of it. And for me, on that one particular night, it felt great to let my frustration about the whole holiday mayhem out by singing “Little Drummer Boy” at the top of my lungs as badly as I could in the privacy of my very own car.

In celebration of rebelling against the cheesiness by embracing it full-force just a little, just for a moment, I’ve collected a few of my favorite cheesy Christmas song videos to share with you. Feel free to pick one of your choice and sing it in a moment of holiday frustration.

Del Rubio Triplets: “Winter Wonderland”:

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Bing Crosby: “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer”:

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Alvin & the Chipmunks: “Christmas Don’t be Late”:

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John Denver: “Little Drummer Boy”:


Image Links:

http://billmadison.blogspot.com/2007_12_01_archive.html (‘Tis the Season)

http://cooklikeyourgrandmother.com/2009/02/i-remember-this-feeling/ (I Remember This Feeling)

http://stuffthatsbugginme.blogspot.com/2011/02/sreaming-kids.html (Screaming Kids!!)

Yoga Humor

There’s nothing like a little bit of yoga humor. Every one of these cracked me up, and I hope they do you, too!


Image Links

http://spoiledyogi.blogspot.com/2010/08/best-yoga-teacher-jokes.html (Spoiled Yogi)

http://www.funtoosh.com/jokes/personality/1270 (Presenting the Yoga Dogs)

http://www.salagram.net/Newsletter-Jokes237.html (Krishna Conscious)

http://www.j4jokes.com/blog/funny-pctures/funny-pictures/ (Funny Pictures)

http://fun.marinov.net/show.php?id=3624&t=The+Yoga+Cats&tt=dir (The Yoga Cats)

http://carrieowerko.com/?p=35 (Yoga Cartoon from New Yorker)

http://www.cartoonstock.com/directory/y/yoga_practice.asp (Yoga Practice Cartoons)

http://www.harrybliss.com/store/spiritualityyoga-c-10.html?osCsid=vdfnnzvhojy (Harry Bliss)

The Joy of the Pomegranate

You know, pomegranates have always kind-of baffled me. I could just never figure out the seeds of pomegranates. They’re so big! It’s hard to know whether to swallow them, or spit them out. 75% seed, 25% delicious fruit juice. If you’re lazy, like me, you don’t take the time to scoop them out one my one into a strainer and then remove all the bits and pieces and then rinse them and then FINALLY get around to eating them. No, I’m the type who cuts the thing in half and starts gnawing. I can hardly see my computer screen because it’s COVERED in pomegranate juice.

But, you know what? It’s worth it. Because pomegranates are GOOD. Despite the seeds, despite the awkwardness, despite the spraying juice. Pomegranates remind me what fall’s all about: eating.


Image Links:

http://www.pomegranatehealthbenefitsblog.com/health-benefits-of-pomegranate-juice-and-pomegranate-seeds/pomegranate-seed-detail-3/ (Pomegranate juice)

http://www.wecanky.com/pomegrantates.html (Pomegranates: The Fruit Kids Can’t Resist)

http://thatssuperfood.com/pomegranate-magic/ (Pomegranate Magic)

http://www.noveleats.com/how-to/open-a-pomegranate/ (Open a Pomegranate)

Comic Procrastination

I’m not going to say too much today, because I’m deep in the throes of trying to finish up a grant proposal that’s due tomorrow. In fleeting moments of procrastination over the past two hours, I have collected some entertaining comics that at least for a moment have taken my mind off the grind of asking for money. There’s nothing like a little humorous interlude to put things in perspective.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Image Links

http://www.graphixia.cssgn.org/2011/07/04/30-who-wears-the-tights-in-this-relationship-selfhood-and-identity-in-grant-morrisons-batman-and-robin/

http://www.buffalorumblings.com/2009/11/26/1171942/happy-thanksgiving-nfl-week-12

http://www.thefunnycartoon.com/funny-cartoon/funny-cartoon/bztoons—cartoon-gallery.html

http://www.funnycartoonpictures.net/postcard.img287.htm

http://www.glasbergen.com/diet-health-fitness-medical/?album=2&gallery=59

http://baloo-baloosnon-politicalcartoonblog.blogspot.com/2010/10/dieting-cartoon.html